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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Divorce in the Doghouse



By Annamaria DiGiorgio
Editor of DogChannel.com and DOG FANCY magazine

There have been some changes in the doghouse in recent months. My husband and I are splitting up, so life has been rather difficult. Having Trogdor and Sasha around has helped ease some tension and brought a little joy into our days. So far, dividing up our belongings has been relatively easy – he gets the TV, I get the bedroom furniture, etc. But a bigger issue was looming, and I dreaded having to decide: What to do with the dogs?

We had several options: We could share custody of them with a visitation schedule like people do with children after a divorce. I’ve heard of more and more people doing this, almost like it’s becoming a trend. But in our situation, it just wouldn’t work. Another option was to split the dogs up; he takes Sasha and I take Trogdor. But, the dogs have only ever known life in our home together – Sasha is particularly attached to Troggie. Splitting them up seemed like it would be unnecessarily difficult for them, and how could I ever choose one over the other?

The final option was that one of us got full custody of both dogs. This left us with another difficult decision to make. The dogs are equally mine as they are his. We acquired them after we were married, and we both care for them and tend to their daily needs, so there was no clear cut way to determine who should get them.

For weeks, I agonized over the possibility of giving them up. I’d no longer come home to Sasha’s smiling face; Trogdor’s warm little body would never cuddle on my lap again. These dogs who were a huge part of my life would one day just be gone. I’d probably never know what path their lives took from then on.

Most of all, I wanted to do what was best for the dogs. I did not want them to become pawns or bargaining tools we used to spite one another. I wanted to set them up in the best circumstances -- even if it was not with me.

In the hardest decision of my life, I decided that my husband should have custody of the dogs. The reasons were many, but mostly it was about knowing he could provide for them on his own better than I could – financially speaking.

I’m sure it will be difficult in the weeks to come as I try to enjoy my last days with Troggie and Sasha. If they can live out the rest of their lives happy and well cared for, I know that I can feel right about my decision.

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Reader Comments
Your sweet words about your beloved dogs brought tears to my eyes. I went through a similar situation, but we made a different decision. After an initial trial of splitting the baby (one dog with each of us) we opted for joint custody. I don't know what your particular situation is/was, but after some initial bumps in the road, this has worked out better than I ever imagined. I lost my job shortly after we split, and my ex was kind enough to pick up the financial slack. And when I got a new, better-paying job just as his new wife was having a baby, I was able to contribute at a time when he needed it.

This has been such an amazing arrangement--neither of us has had to pay for a kennel when we go out of town, and even though the contact with my ex was somewhat painful in the beginning, it has been well worth it. The dogs have stayed together, and they have had no trouble adjusting to the back-and-forth schedule.

Happily, we've been able to agree on just about everything regarding the custody arrangement and medical care. Admittedly, we've been lucky--I realize that not everyone is reasonable, and not every split is amicable. But as our dogs are nearing the end of their lifespan, I'm so grateful to have had this supportive arrangement.

I would encourage anyone facing this sad situation to consider joint custody and work through a mediator if necessary. I'm really fortunate to have an understanding ex--the dogs were actually his when we married, so it's a real blessing that he agreed so readily to this arrangement. But he recognized that I was the one who really spent more time with the dogs and that they would suffer without my time and attention.

Divorce is painful in so many ways--from the emotional to the practical. I hope you at least will be able to visit your babies from time to time. I wish you all the best, and if you don't have Troggie and Sasha in your life anymore, I hope that another dog will soon be lucky enough to be a part of your life.
Melissa, Baltimore, MD
Posted: 11/5/2008 1:18:47 PM
Hi Annamarie, its Lindsay. I am soooo sorry to hear about everything that is happening. I feel you are making a smart decision to have the ex handle the dogs.
Lindsay Murphy, Costa Mesa, CA
Posted: 7/1/2008 4:22:12 PM
John 3:16
nathan, somewherein, OH
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:35:20 AM
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