Religion, Politics and Dog Poop
There are some topics you just shouldn't discuss with strangers or friends.
Lisa Gates |
Posted: August 19, 2014, 8 a.m. PST
My mother always said avoid conversations about religion or politics with people you don’t know (and most that you do). To that advice I might add a third touchy subject area: poop bags.
The Poop Bags
Being a professional dog walker poop bags are an essential piece of equipment. To save money, I would get plastic bags from Safeway. My three year old twin boys came to understand that Safeway bags were poop bags. As we left Safeway, they played the game of counting customer’s poop bags. Being little boys, they found great pleasure in talking about poop bags to all customers.
At the checkout, I would ask for plastic bags. Living in my eco friendly, borderline psychotic town about recycling, eating organic, composting, and land of no Twinkies, I felt the need to explain the situation to the checker. "I reuse them for picking up dog poop and therefore I am helping the environment.” The checker could have cared less, but I felt better making sure she and everyone in line behind me knew I was environmentally conscientious. (Although it didn’t stop a woman scolding me for not using "biodegradable” bags on my dog walking outings.)
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Bags were free but they came at a price (besides environmentalist scorn) when there was an unnoticed hole in the bag. Unfortunately these holes were never discovered until after the poop was picked up. Now I buy my poop bags, biodegradable, eco-friendly, padded and probably even Kosher.
"Shit" Get’s Real
You can debate type of bags all day, but what really get’s people heated is the major issue with poop that can be simply avoided – picking it up. I think we can all agree leaving poop is rude and something you should never do, but some people aren’t content to leave it at just that.
Our local neighborhood website even has poop bag comments. Some guy, let’s call him Joe Poop, wrote ‘someone is leaving a trail of poop bags along this path. I will catch the culprit. BEWARE!’ I had visions of Joe Poop saddled with binoculars watching from his window day and night, scheming to catch the poop bag villain. Our neighborhood had a real life Mrs Kravitz. He threatened to call the police when he caught the person. I would pay money to hear that call "911 what is your emergency?” "Yes there is a guy leaving poop bags along the trail!” I am not sure if Joe Poop ever caught the horrible, despicable poop bag bandit but it certainly added for a humorous read on the website.
One time, I returned to my car to find a note plastered to my windshield. It said "YOU OBNOXIOUS, SELF CENTERED, NARCISSISTIC, SELF ABSORBED DOG WALKER! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ALL YOUR POOP BAGS THROWN ALONG THE TRAILS FOR US TO SEE. YOU ARE A REAL SELF ABSORBED JERK WITH NO CONSIDERATION FOR OTHERS. YOU MUST FEEL VERY ENTITLED. YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE.” Obviously poop bags sent this woman over the edge and hopefully not to a bridge. For the record, they were not my poop bags. My dear friend Brac, who is a doctor of psychology, would probably say "that is called transference.”
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The Pick Up
For dog walkers, there is a variety of techniques for carrying poop bags. I have seen them tie poop bags to their belts. I always thought that looked handy but would make for a smelly walk and what happens if one breaks. I have seen walkers drop poop bags along the trail like Little Red Riding Hood dropping her popcorn. I don’t think the big bad wolf would care to eat dog poop and therefore they were safe to retrieve their bags at the end of the walk. The technique of setting them on top of the car roof is not a bad idea until you slam on the brakes and they fly down your windshield. My mother does that with her poop bags. It is how my kids recognize her car. "There goes grandma with all her poop bags on her car.” I wondered if they made that announcement on play dates. "There goes our grandma, the one with the poop bags hanging from her car.”
My mom’s dog attacks poop bags. Like Joe Poop, he can’t handle the sight of them. To avoid having ‘Bogey’ destroy them, my mom strings them up into the trees and returns for them at the end. I can always tell where my mom has been from the poop bag décor in the trees along the trail. One dog walker pointed out that it was like Christmas year round with your mom’s poop bag decorations strewn along the trails in the trees. He called them Christmas ornaments for dog walkers.
La Costa Poopstra
Seven years ago, the owners of the big dog walking companies wanted to host a two hour meeting to discuss picking up poop in the park, making sure all employees complied using of course biodegradable poop bags. I had visions of "The Godfather” movie with all the heads discussing not Mafia territories, but poop bag strategy. I suggested we save two hours and tell our employees to pick up poop with biodegradable, eco friendly and completely "PC” poop bags. They thought a meeting would have a bigger impact. Not sure if the meeting ever took place. I did not go or send a representative. I wonder if there is a "hit” on my head for not attending the poop bag meeting.
It’s All Poop in the End (and Out the End)
Whether it is tying poop bags to your belt, throwing them along the trail or placing them in trees, or hosting a two hour meeting on the topic, the discussion of poop bags is a hot one. Keep life simple and don’t put too much worry or concern into poop bags. At least people are picking up their poop!
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