Chaos, Cannibals and Canines: How to Survive the Apocalypse with Your Dog
We all know that it’s only a matter of time before civilization crumbles around us.
Andrew Tipp |
Posted: June 27, 2014, 5 a.m. PST
The end times are coming. Fact.
It’s not quite clear how the world will end. Maybe it’ll be a zombie uprising. It might be an asteroid strike. Or perhaps our iPhones will become self-aware, with Siri hell-bent on world domination.
But however mankind meets its fate, it’s important that we embrace the post-apocalyptic era with one vital ally: our dog. Why? Because whether you make your base an underground bunker, an abandoned penthouse apartment or a remote forest hideout, dogs will be key assets in the dystopian aftermath of a planetary downfall.
5 Great Reasons Canines Will Truly be Your Best Friend When it All Goes Down:
1. Dogs are Great Foragers
When things first go south, the search for food might feel like an all-you-can-eat buffet. The world is overstocked with food, and with fewer people it’ll be yours to feast upon. But this won’t last indefinitely, and soon the last survivors will be fighting it out for the scraps. Fighting is dangerous, so you’re best off foraging both fields and cities for nature’s bounty and urban leftovers. Dogs are great for this, and their noses will lead you to full stomachs again and again.
2. Dogs Can Hunt
Wild mushrooms and tinned beans won’t satisfy you forever, so eventually you’ll need to consider hunting for your meals. Dogs have been used in hunting for centuries, and with a bit of training they’ll be sniffing out and catching dinner regularly. This will be a fairly guilt-free experience, as with the human population depleted, wildlife will flourish the world over – meaning your excursions into hunting won’t have an impact on sustainability.
3. Dogs Can Sense Evil
An important one, this. It’s a well-known fact that dogs can sniff out killer robots, rabid zombies or feral cannibals long before we humans spot them. This is not only crucial for your individual survival, but for the rebooting of a post-apocalyptic community. Just one undead walker shuffling into camp can be the difference between a population boom and bust. With our trusty watchdogs, we’ll be able to sleep a lot safer.
4. Dogs are Trustworthy
The end times will be notable for its lack of basic etiquette and courtesy. Your neighbor might seem friendly enough now, but come the apocalypse they could become an enemy overnight if you refuse to share your vegetable garden with them. I’ll be blunt: you could literally be stabbed in the back over a few potatoes. This could cause you to crack, feeling too paranoid to sleep for fear of lies, betrayal and theft. But unlike humans (or cats), dogs are loyal creatures. You can trust them. They won’t get greedy and kill you over a bunch of carrots. And as we’ve established, their sensitive noses and ears will pick up on intruders before you can.
5. Dogs are Great Companions
A dog is your best friend, so the saying goes. Come the end times this will be truer than ever. Your dog will always be there for you. They won’t abandon you when you grow weak or despondent. They won’t complain when you begin to reek after going weeks without a bath. And they won’t be bothered when you enter that crazed-survivor-who-hasn’t-spoken-to-another-person-for-ten-years phase. In fact, the more you shed your veneer of humanity and revert to a state of nature, the more they’ll dig you.
So there you have it. When you realize the end is nigh, don’t save your partner, parents or best friend first – save your dog.
Andrew Tipp is a writer, editor and strategist working in digital publishing. He likes to think of himself as a future apocalypse survivor, but in truth he’d probably last about six weeks – with or without canine company. You can follow him on Twitter: @AndrewTipp
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