The Obama Dog’s Influence

Even with our economy so bad there’s talk of us returning to the barter system, United States citizens are only concerned about one thing: the kind of dog President Obama and his family are getting. Every person in America is offering the president a puppy. Some with the reasonable request that if he takes it, that person gets to have a kegger in the West Wing. Then there’s the international side. What if some underdeveloped country offers the first family a dog and they decline? Does that mean war? Or, will that country just try again — and next offer two dogs? Let’s examine this canine conundrum from the political side.

Currently, the leading international contender is the hairless Peruvian Inca Orchid, which is a pretty unsettling name. It could be worse, though. Apparently, the dog is not only shy hair, but shy teeth, too. Imagine if it were called The Peruvian Toothless Dog. Sorry, Peru, we feel bad enough these days. A hairless dog that gums his meals isn’t going to help.

There’s also a rumor that Prime Minister Vladimir Putin is going to ante up a Russian Wolfhound, more commonly known as a Borzoi. This comes on the heels of another rumor that Putin has installed a tracking device in the collar of his own dog. So, is this just a friendly offer? Or is the gift dog really a double agent? One who will roll over, while surreptitiously shooting video of the White House, then upload it to the Russians at night.

News flash! It seems the Obamas have narrowed it down to a “Labradoodle” or a Portuguese Water Dog. As much as I love the former, we should cross it off. Labrador is too small a place to offend anybody. And “The Land of Doodle?” I don’t believe there is such a place. That leaves Portugal. Perhaps, they can send us one of theirs. That way, Portugal gets to feel like a player and the Obamas get their dream dog. I mean, Portugal’s small, and we could bust in there and boost dozens of dogs. But this is old-school Bush-type thinking. Isn’t it time to try — even when it comes to getting a dog — the peaceful way? What do we have to lose?

Peter Gerstenzang is the writer of DogChannel’s My Bone to Pick, hilarious commentary on all things dog, and moderator of Now That's Funny chats on the message boards.

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